What do I do at times when I feel angry, times when I feel irritated, times when I feel unsettled?
What can we use to really guide us?
I’m going to give you three questions and a bonus question of things that you can think about.
1. Who am I really?
The first question is “who am I really?” This is a deeper question and it’s a big question. Who am I really?
What this is really asking is to ask you to touch back on this deeper belief of your working hypothesis, of what’s true in the universe in the deep, unchanging way.
It is not a question about your surface, outer level type of titles—I’m a mom, I’m a woman, I’m a person, I’m a sister, I’m an accountant, I’m a healer. Whatever those things are, that’s not the kind of answer that we’re looking for in this question. In a deep abiding sense and the true nature of reality as you currently see it in your working hypothesis, who am I really?
It’s okay if you don’t have an answer to this question, but do know that it’s an important one on the personal spiritual path. We can argue in the realm of spirituality that it’s maybe hard to absolutely know these things. This is why I call it a working hypothesis. I believe this to be true, I’m currently testing it out but this is what I’m holding to in this moment.
2. What do I value?
What do I value? This is an exercise that we’ll sometimes do in the Subtle Body Certification intensives of what are my values? If you already know, hopefully you’ve defined your values for yourself because this is something that really guides us in life.
It can also cause us trouble when we’re not aware of what our values are. Because when people tend to act in a way that seems to violate our values, that’s when we’re really going to get triggered. If you don’t even know what your values are, you’re not going to understand what’s happening in that moment and you may be active or reactive in that way.
Sometimes a good gateway into this is you can think about your pet peeves or things that really trigger you and it’s usually that sort of like a back door side door into what you value. Because normally the things that get on our nerves are the things that actually violate our values
3. What am I feeling?
What am I feeling? This is a right – now/in-the-moment feeling. It could be right on the surface and it might be something that you have to dive down into a little bit deeper, especially when you are feeling riled up, irritated, angry, frustrated, explosive. This is really important key thing to answer.
There can be lots of mental reasons of what’s going wrong and whether people should be doing but the important question to be asking one of several is, “what am I feeling”? This will start to lead us in a down and inward way so we can see what is really the root of what’s happening.
The truth is it’s usually not about what it’s about. What that means is what appears to be the problem on the surface is usually not the heart of the problem underneath. It’s not the source of the problem underneath. We can be very certain in our mind saying, “the problem is that this person did this because if they wouldn’t have done this, I wouldn’t have felt this way”.
Starting to turn towards to what we’re feeling, especially connected with our values as well. We can start to turn inwards and see where is the snag in our mind body system. Is there some Subtle Body block that created some Velcro in me that really gives this situation a charge.
We’re not saying someone will do something dumb and obviously offensive or hurtful and you’re going to feel great about it. That’s not really what we’re talking about. What we’re saying is when you notice that there’s an ongoing irritation or a huge burst of emotion or irritation or anger that’s lasting with you, that’s when we really need to dive underneath to start to dissect and see, “wait a minute, what am I feeling underneath?”
It might just be anger on the surface but as you go deeper, there might be something else. There might be fear, there might be sadness. My working hypothesis is that usually anger is not a primary emotion. It’s usually covering over feeling scared, feeling worried, feeling insecure.
Here are three questions and you could even write them on a note card. When you feel blinded by a situation or a strong emotion, you could just open up the cupboard or the bathroom mirror where you have these written and ask and reflect on these questions.
- Who am I really?
- What do I value?
- What am I feeling?
Now I’ll give you a fourth one that you can add in sometimes. If you’re really feeling worked up, you may or may not have the capacity to ask this in the moment and that’s okay. The fourth optional question is “Where is the inner knowing directing me?” or “where am I being directed?”
To answer this question, we have to be able to come to that more aligned place where we can be more quiet and be more inward to really listen and hear what’s actually there. Sometimes that’s just not possible when we’re in the thick of things. That’s why it’s number four optional.
You are a soul with a body and you deserve great things!
Disclaimer: This program is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health or counseling services. No practitioner-patient relationship is established and the training content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and nothing here is intended to diagnose, cure or treat any disorders.