“Children should be seen and not heard.”
Did you ever grow up hearing that one? Well, you’re not alone. In many of our households, the expression of anything, let alone emotions, negative emotions, anger, crying, and discomfort we’re not allowed.
If that were you, you might notice throughout doing healing work that because those have been suppressed, it’s difficult to even start to know where to start.
That’s what we’re talking about in this blog post—what to do to start to come into a relationship and healthy expression of things that got suppressed in your body in the past.
In the course of the healing work that I do and releasing trauma with empaths, healers, seekers, we find that as we liberate these parts and actually get free, we start to see the results in our outer life but we also sometimes get new clarity into what things have been walled off and are off-limits.
With great wisdom as adult high-functioning empaths and HSPs, we can now see that those things weren’t allowed and release some of those things but we also need to come into new relationships to do it in a healthy way, which maybe we’ve never seen the pattern before. We’re going to go over four key steps that you can use to start to come into a relationship with these emotions in a healthy way.
1. Mind Shift: You are Currently in a Learning Phase
Really give yourself some grace. The purpose here is to want to know that it’s going to be a little messy.
The action step here is to focus on your wins. Just try to beat your last record. If it’s always been super uncomfortable with anger and you automatically suppress it, well, if you let it out a little bit, even maybe if you blew up a little bit, that’s okay, still celebrate that as a win.
So number one is to make the mind shift that this is just a transition learning phase and that it’s going to be a little messy and you can focus on really celebrating the wins.
2. Differentiate the Emotion Now with the Negative Expression in the Past
For example, this is very common with anger because we often experience the negative side of anger from our father in our family. We think that if we let anger out, it’s going to be like that. I’m going to harm other people the way that I felt harmed by anger in the past.
Make a strong assertion and really shift in your mind that that was then, and this is now. This is a healthy expression of anger and it’s different from that person or from my experience in the past. Differentiate the present from the past.
3. Assert Your Will
Assert your will that you want to come into a relationship with whatever this is, whether it’s anger, discomfort, disappointment, the inner angry child, really assert, get curious, and really say out loud that you want to know what it’s like to really be in relationship with healthy anger.
It might seem silly but this statement of will is very helpful and can become like a tractor beam of helping you come into a new relationship. Your will is important in really knowing that this is a new relationship or a new friend that you’re getting to know.
4. Take it into the Outer World
After you’ve been working on these things in the inner world, start to take it into the outer world. This is always the scariest part, especially around negative emotions because our protector system has a lot built up and at stake that it’s not allowed and it’s going to be dangerous.
What I would recommend at first is practicing out loud, actually saying the words, “I feel really angry right now”. You might even want to stimulate the meridians of your hands for a little mind-body coordination of just tapping all the fingers together and saying something like, “Even though I feel super angry right now and it’s a little uncomfortable, I deeply love and accept myself anyways.”
Doing it in this way of literally saying it out loud will help your protector system and your nervous system to really orient and come to the present because you’re stimulating meridians. You’re using your observation mind all at the same time.
Your body’s going to notice that you are really angry right now and nothing bad is happening. No one’s yelling. Nothing’s really exploding. I know it sounds trivial, but bringing it out, saying it out loud, doing a little subtle body stimulation of the meridians can really help to start to help the programming of the body-mind system to really update.
Those are four steps that you can really use to slowly come into a relationship with this difficult or scary or challenging emotion in a new way.
Remember, when the pendulum swings first, it swings widest.
You might feel a period where you feel like you’re angrier than ever and it feels really scary. It’s okay. Go back to number one and remember that this is just a transitionary time and so that pendulum eventually swings first, but it might also sort of start to come down into balance and that’s just the natural part of integration that we go through.
I hope this serves you well. If you have someone else that you know is also an HSP, sensitive person, someone on a healing path and dealing with these kinds of things, send it along. I’m on a mission to help as many people as I possibly can and I need your help.
You are a soul with a body and you deserve great things.
Disclaimer: This program is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health or counseling services. No practitioner-patient relationship is established and the training content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and nothing here is intended to diagnose, cure or treat any disorders.