When we know that we have this habit or maybe a trigger that is in our system and we want to make a new path, we wanna act differently outwardly. But at the same time, when we go to do that, we have this inner sort of voice that kind of says, “Ooh, but I don’t feel right about that. It doesn’t feel good.” Maybe it even tells you, “I don’t feel authentic in doing that.”
Your Best Friend Got Her Dream Job
This is a question that came up recently from a client who let’s just say, was having a pattern on the inside where she would often find herself getting jealous or triggered by friends. Let’s imagine a scenario where you’ve been really trying to get a new job, you’re really unhappy with your job, things aren’t going well, you feel like you’re not getting paid and appreciated, and all of a sudden your best friend gets the awesome, best dream job that she’s been wanting.
Am I Being Authentic?
Now, on the inside, you know that you should be happy for her and your sort of higher observer mind says that you should congratulate her in that way. But as you go to maybe do that, there’s a part of you that goes, “Ooh, but I don’t really feel it. I’m actually really off and I’m jealous. Won’t that be inauthentic if I actually act that way?”
This is what we were talking about in this blog, the difference and how to know if you are actually being authentic and where something is coming from and what you should do.
Not Just A Modern Buzzword
In a way, ‘authentic’ is a little bit of a modern buzzword that we sort of throw at people sometimes in a good way to say, “Wow, that’s not aligned with who I am.” And also sometimes in sort of spiritual bypassing ways of like, “That just wouldn’t be authentic. So in this scenario that we’re talking about, let’s say I’m a little triggered because I’ve really been unhappy with my job.
I want a new job and all of a sudden my best friend gets her better than I thought possible job, and I know in my observer mind that I should be happy for her. But as I try to think about doing something nice for her or maybe celebrating her, it brings up such strong feelings in me that I feel like it might not be authentic for me to do that because I don’t feel it. So what do we do in this situation?
Recognize Where The Conflict Really Is
The short answer is you do the thing for your your friend, and here’s why. This idea of being authentic is only truly applicable and valuable when it’s this actual heart desire kind of issue. In a scenario where you are being asked of something that conflicts with the actual heart level desire knowingness about your soul. In this situation with the friend and the jealousy, the conflict is coming not from an internal heart’s desire, but the conflict is coming from wounding.
Internal Heart's Desire vs Wounding
This is the key that you use to differentiate what you should do in the outer world. We first start with our inner world. Life is coming from me, not at me. So when we go to fix a situation, we have to look at the source on the inside of where is this coming from?
Listen To Your Heart
Is this coming from a misalignment with a heart’s desire? Someone you know asks me or maybe I’m in a relationship that isn’t working and my heart’s desire of what I know and want for myself even though I care for this person is not in alignment. It would be in that case, inauthentic to stay in relationship or pretend like everything is fine because in my heart’s desire in a really felt into presence, that I’ve prayed about, thought about in a deep way. At that level, it’s not in alignment.
But over here in this case where my friend gets a job and I feel internally jealous and I know I want to kind of idealistically do something nice for her, celebrate, be proud and happy for her…but there’s like a ugh that’s coming from a wounding.
Where's It All Coming From?
So you can ask that sort of clarifying question. Where’s this coming from? Is this coming from a heart’s desire of who and what I really am? Or is this coming from a deep level wounding?
When you notice that there’s this disconnection between what your observer mind wants to do and what your inner mind (your inner sort of subtle body levels), what’s lodged in the system is not there yet. What you do is twofold.
Outer World Versus Inner World
In the outer world, you choose and you do the thing that your observer mind says. You go through the motions even though it might feel a little fake. It’s not actually fake, it’s just that it’s ahead of where your inner world is. So in the outer world, you kind of override that, “Eh, I don’t want to inauthentic”, which is not really an authentic feeling, and you do the thing. You celebrate them, you call them, you muster up the celebratory things that you want to do in the way that you wanna live in the world, and then you don’t stop there.
In the meantime, you do some inner work. We use subtle body work, which is using all levels of the mind body system simultaneously to release the trapped trauma. You use inner world techniques to start to trace down to The Basement, see where that’s really about, and start to unwind and actually get it out of the body.
Fake It Til You Make It!
If you do the inner work, you will at some point arrive at the outer point where you will be able to be more hard aligned, authentically inwardly and outwardly happy. But until that point arrives, you do the outer world thing. You let your observer mind guide you to start living as the person that you want to be. This is a little bit of fake it till you make it, because when you do those outer world things, it does create a groove.
Turn Towards Your Disconnects
Those outer world actions repeated many times. These things that we call our habits do have an impact. It’s not as strong as going into the source and releasing it from the body, but that takes certain guidance and support and other things. In the meantime, you do the thing. You notice it’s a disconnect and turn towards it.
So I hope that helps clarify of how to deal with and understand what is really inauthentic and what is just a wounding that I want to not deepen a groove on. I hope this has been helpful. If it has, or would be helpful to someone that you know, send it off. It helps us to reach more of our soul aligned spirit squad of people doing deep work in the world.
Disclaimer: This program is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health or counseling services. No practitioner-patient relationship is established and the training content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and nothing here is intended to diagnose, cure or treat any disorders.