Category: For Empaths

Anger Management

11/15/2020

What do I do at times when I feel angey, times when I feel irritated, times when I feel unsettled?

What can we use to really guide us?

I'm going to give you three questions and a bonus question of things that you can think about.

1. Who am I really?

The first question is "who am I really?" This is a deeper question and it's a big question. Who am I really?

What this is really asking is to ask you to touch back on this deeper belief of your working hypothesis, of what's true in the universe in the deep, unchanging way.

It is not a question about your surface, outer level type of titles—I'm a mom, I'm a woman, I'm a person, I'm a sister, I'm an accountant, I'm a healer. Whatever those things are, that's not the kind of answer that we're looking for in this question. In a deep abiding sense and the true nature of reality as you currently see it in your working hypothesis, who am I really?

It's okay if you don't have an answer to this question, but do know that it's an important one on the personal spiritual path. We can argue in the realm of spirituality that it's maybe hard to absolutely know these things. This is why I call it a working hypothesis. I believe this to be true, I'm currently testing it out but this is what I'm holding to in this moment.

2. What do I value?

What do I value? This is an exercise that we'll sometimes do in the Subtle Body Certification intensives of what are my values? If you already know, hopefully you've defined your values for yourself because this is something that really guides us in life.

It can also cause us trouble when we're not aware of what our values are. Because when people tend to act in a way that seems to violate our values, that's when we're really going to get triggered. If you don't even know what your values are, you're not going to understand what's happening in that moment and you may be active or reactive in that way. S

Sometimes a good gateway into this is you can think about your pet peeves or things that really trigger you and it's usually that sort of like a back door side door into what you value. Because normally the things that get on our nerves are the things that actually violate our values.

3. What am I feeling?

What What am I feeling? This is a right-now/in-the-moment feeling. It could be right on the surface and it might be something that you have to dive down into a little bit deeper, especially when you are feeling riled up, irritated, angry, frustrated, explosive. This is a really important key thing to answer.

There can be lots of mental reasons of what's going wrong and whether people should be doing but the important question to be asking one of several is, "what am I feeling"? This will start to lead us in a down and inward way so we can see what is really the root of what's happening.

The truth is it's usually not about what it's about. What that means is what appears to be the problem on the surface is usually not the heart of the problem underneath. It's not the source of the problem underneath. We can be very certain in our mind saying, "the problem is that this person did this because if they wouldn't have done this, I wouldn't have felt this way".

Starting to turn towards to what we're feeling, especially connected with our values as well. We can start to turn inwards and see where is the snag in our mind body system. Is there some Subtle Body block that created some Velcro in me that really gives this situation a charge.

We're not saying someone will do something dumb and obviously offensive or hurtful and you're going to feel great about it. That's not really what we're talking about. What we're saying is when you notice that there's an ongoing irritation or a huge burst of emotion or irritation or anger that's lasting with you, that's when we really need to dive underneath to start to dissect and see, "wait a minute, what am I feeling underneath?"

It might just be anger on the surface but as you go deeper, there might be something else. There might be fear, there might be sadness. My working hypothesis is that usually anger is not a primary emotion. It's usually covering over feeling scared, feeling worried, feeling insecure.

Here are three questions and you could even write them on a note card. When you feel blinded by a situation or a strong emotion, you could just open up the cupboard or the bathroom mirror where you have these written and ask and reflect on these questions.

Who am I really?
What do I value?
What am I feeling?

Now I'll give you a fourth one that you can add in sometimes. If you're really feeling worked up, you may or may not have the capacity to ask this in the moment and that's okay. The fourth optional question is "where is the inner knowing directing me?" or "where am I being directed?"

To answer this question, we have to be able to come to that more aligned place where we can be more quiet and be more inward to really listen and hear what's actually there. Sometimes that's just not possible when we're in the thick of things. That's why it's number four optional.

You are a soul with a body and you deserve great things!

RELEASE THE TRAPPED TRAUMA FROM YOUR BODY
(WITHOUT YEARS OF THERAPY)

Disclaimer: This program is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health or counseling services. No practitioner-patient relationship is established and the training content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and nothing here is intended to diagnose, cure or treat any disorders.

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Get Through Tough Times

8/6/2020

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How do I deal with the difficulties that happen in life?

This starts to get us down to this deeper level of what our working spiritual hypothesis is in the world, because one of the things that many spiritual traditions understand (depending on your viewpoint) is that suffering is a part of life. The Eastern school of thought is that we have to recognize that no matter what, whether you are spiritually enlightened or an average Joe, nobody gets out of here without difficulty.

One of the important lessons that I'm often coaching people on is a stepping stone that we have to start to separate out the difference between what is difficulty in life and what is suffering.

People will say, "well, what about this issue with my friends?" or "what about this issue with my family? I really feel stuck."

You'll notice that when you bring up an issue, it's like this big jumble of a lot of different feelings and emotions and sensations in your body and reasons why it should be somewhere, should be another way. This is always a recipe for disaster.

What we learned to do is a two-step process.

What is the Objective Part?

We start to use our mind a little bit and we can start to say, "okay, of all this jumble, what is the objective difficult part?"

I want you to make two columns on a piece of paper. One column is the objective difficulty.

"It's actually very difficult that right now I'm low on toilet paper."

"I'm stuck at home and I'm homeschooling my kids."

Whatever the reality is for you, the things that go on this list should be objective.

What is the Suffering Part?

What you start to put over on the other category is that the suffering things are the meaning that I put onto those things—the fear and the worries, stories that start to creep in that aren't necessarily an objective difficulty. It's a story that I'm making about the objective difficulty.

It is more of the fear stories.

"I'm worried about that we're going to end up losing everything."

"I'm worried about that my parents are going to catch this virus and be in the ICU and I won't be able to get to them and then they're going to die. And then I will be a terrible daughter"

We have to start with this knowing. Then, we start to apply subtle-body-appropriate skills to trace these things down to their source because another body wisdom truth is that it's never about what it's about.

Even though on the surface it's a worry that I'm gonna end up living under a bridge and lose everything, underneath we trace it down to what I would call the basement, which are the main causes of things.

Even just doing this with your mind will cut down on your suffering tremendously. What you start to realize is that it is possible to go through the difficulty of life without the mind stuff and the fear and the stories that really causes the suffering.

Difficulties in life are unavoidable, but the suffering aspect is optional. This is what we're really working on in subtle body work.

Sending you lots of love!

release the trapped trauma from your body
(without years of therapy)

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Energy Vampires: How to Deal with Them as an Empath

7/12/2020

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How do you deal with energy qi vampires?

If you're a sensitive person, empath or healer, you probably noticed that it can be tricky working with other people and you might have a tendency to take on other people's energy.

Here are practical steps you can take to clear your field and to not pick up energy that's not yours and to really stop doing it right away.

It's become a really practical, fun thing to say "good vibes only". You see it on tee shirts. But what does that actually mean?

When we think about the realm of space clearing, there's three large bubbles and those are too big to really talk about in this blog. We teach a lot about this in our Subtle Body Certification at the Body Wisdom Academy, but we're going to zone in on just one of them.

The three big bubbles are the general "be in line with the energy of the universe"—this is things like feng shui and your daily routine and how you align with the bio rhythms of your day, with nature and the human body.

Then there's the energy between people. That's we're going to talk about today. And then there's "how does the non-physical realm of energy work? What's happening if I've got something stuck in my field?" or things like that.

What we're going to talk about today is this realm of the energy between people and when we're talking about the way that energy works between people, there's two main aspects:

The first one is the technical energetic. So how do our Subtle Body systems function and in ways that sometimes get us a little intertwined or picking up other people's stuff.
And then the other (also equal and very important aspect) is what I call Energetic Communication. We teach a model that has taken concepts like nonviolent communication we think is very good and integrated systems of communication with a deeper level, energetic understanding so that we can really have clear relationships with other people and not take on their crap.

The Technical Energetic Level

The three things that you need to know about are:

One, your Solar Plexus. Your Solar Plexus is the area where your ribs come together. This is the part of our body that energetically is really sensitive to other people's energy.

If you have someone that just feels draining every time you're with them, or you are a practitioner and you're working with other people, the number one practical thing to do is actually to rest your hand over your Solar Plexus or gently massage that area.

Just being aware of that will help you stay in your cheesy bubble as it were and not overemphasize or get wrapped up with other people's issues that are going on.

The 50% Line

Number two is it's important to hold what we call and teach the 50% line. Not just energetically but also in self-responsibility because where the mind goes, the qi or the energy flows. If we're not clear on what's my responsibility and what's other people's responsibility, you're naturally going to end up energetically taking on other people's stuff as well.

So we've gotta be clear on your 50% line.

The Microcosmic Orbit

The last thing to stay in your bubble is to use a qigong exercise that is quite well known and from ancient Chinese medicine in qigong or energy exercises called the Microcosmic Orbit.

There's many different purposes! It builds your qi or your mind body connection system by using visualization and your focus at the same time as seeing things in your body. It's also helpful to really establish what's you and what's someone else.

If you catch yourself in a pattern where you are over caring for other people or you're trying to fix things for other people or you feel really bad for other people, but then later on you feel like you're really drained or taking on other people's burdens, likely you don't have as strong of a connection with this central circuit that I want to describe.

The Microcosmic Orbit is a pathway in the body. It's energetic, not physical, and it starts at the perineum, which is at the base of the torso.

For women, it's the spot just at the back of the vaginal opening before the anus and for men it's just right behind the testicles. This is the main aspect of our physical body.

You just imagine with your eyes closed a point or a ball of white light. Then as you inhale, you visualize that that point or that ball of white light comes up the spine towards the top of the head and circles back. As you exhale starts to come down the front of the body, over the nose and face and hear you gently rest the tongue on the roof of the mouth to connect that area of the body energetically and physically.

You trace that ball down over the front of the body, over the belly, over the pubic bone, back to that original spot. So inhaling, notice that ball of white light come up to the top of the head. Exhaling coming down the front of the body. And ideally you want to practice this exercise—one inhale coming up to the top of the head, one exhale coming down.

At first, this might be a little bit difficult, so feel free to take small, many breaths coming up and many breaths going down until you can feel like it's more continuous. You'll also notice that when you start to do this, it might feel a little difficult or you might notice that that seems like that ball of light wants to jump over certain areas in your body. That could just be an indication that the energy isn't flowing super well.

Remember that adage of "where the mind goes, the qi flows"? If the chi is not flowing somewhere, it's going to be harder for the mind to go there. But practicing this exercise over time will help strengthen your physical energetic system in a way that helps you stay in your 50% bubble and not taking on other people's things.

So the three techniques that we talked about today were:

Noticing your Solar Plexus as a place where we can over-give or over-connect with other people's energy. There's lots of specific how tos that we teach in some of our trainings or what to do when, what shows up, when to get rid of those things.
And then we have to really understand what's our 50% line. Not just energetically, but also mentally to make sure we're not over-giving or over-fixing other people that can drain our energy.
And then we can use this exercise of the Microcosmic Orbit to physically stay within ourselves more and boost our qi system.

Any time our internal system is strong, it really helps to naturally fortify our boundaries because we are filled up from the inside. There's a lot of new agey-ness and various types of energy medicine that always talk about putting yourself in blue light and having a good barrier.

I think those things are okay but ancient Chinese medicine really tells us that when the channels are full, there's no risk of things getting in from the outside. I prefer to take this approach. I think it's one that's not coming from a fear based place of worrying, of what's going to attack us. It brings us back to this spiritually balanced place of nourishing ourselves to naturally take up our space. We don't have to worry so much about what's coming in from the outside.

You are a soul with a body and you deserve great things! -L

release the trapped trauma from your body
(without years of therapy)

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Entrepreneur Ideas for Empaths

6/16/2020

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I have really struggled with this in general, as a person who is really an idea-person. I've gotten a lot of ideas over many years of business, and I've learned really the hard way on how to first do some inner questioning before just jumping out of the gate and putting a lot of chi, energy and time into it only for it to not fall through, to not go anywhere, to not work out and feel like in the end, "Well, that probably wasn't the best use of my time".

This is really hard when you're an ideas-person and we do healing and helping work that we know would be a great idea and would be helpful. But ultimately that's not the question to ask so I'm going to give you two foundational questions for evaluating a new business idea, as well as two next-stage questions as well to really help you answer this question and keep your chi aligned with creating a sustainable business that pays you excellent living working with ideal clients.

Let's start with the foundational questions.

Stage 0: What is the outcome that I want to happen from this endeavor?

What is the outcome that I want to happen from this endeavor? Is it that I want to create relationship with practitioners or power partners? Is that I want to get new clients?

You need to be sure and clear of what your ideal outcome is. There might be other side benefits and other things but preliminary question number one is "what is the outcome that I am desiring?" Be clear on that.

Stage 0: Who is involved?

These people that we're talking about, are they my ideal clients? This might seem easy and straightforward but we often stray from it. What's inherently suggested here is a reminder and you'll hear me say this like a broken record that underneath is always laser beam clarity of who my ideal people are.

You want to make sure that you know so much about your ideal people, that you're going to be able to answer this preliminary question because maybe your business goal is to give more talks and you get actually invited to give a talk, but where you're invited to give a talk, it is very likely not going to have a high percentage of your ideal clients.

That doesn't mean you say "no" right away, because maybe you're at the beginning and you just need to practice giving talks and so that could be the benefit. Then, you go back to that number one—"what's the outcome that I want?"

I did this a lot at the beginning—just get out there and do talks but then as I got busier, you'll often find that you'll get requests for your time or to give a certain talk. At that point, when I get those inquiries where people like, "Hey, can you come and do this talk for free?" Sometimes I will if I feel inner calling but if it's not aligned, if it's not going to serve my ideal outcome and I'm in a stage of business where I'm pretty busy, my marketing is going well, and I just want new clients, then I'm probably going to say, "no, thank you".

This is so important for learning how to really balance your qi, which is a big part of sustainable business.

Next level, if you've passed through those two things, here is the next way to evaluate those questions. This is the same question that we're asking when we're trying to find a new niche or essentially a new idea.

Do they know they have a problem?

So the first one, when we've decided who this offering or ideas going to be for, the question that we're asking is, "does this target audience know that they have a problem?"

This is a big one because often, especially as practitioners, we know what the problem is, but the person themselves might not know that they have a problem or they might think that the problem is different.

For example, I know as a natural health practitioner that people's diets or often the food that they're eating is a huge problem. But very often, especially in my non-ideal client version of "normal people" (the most people in society), they think they eat pretty well. Even if they're eating the standard American stuff that they think is healthy, like, "Oh, I drink orange juice every morning. I'm healthy", that's really shitty diet, but they don't know it. That fails question number one. I can not sell them something that is clean-up-your-diet because they don't think or know that they have a problem.

Are they able and willing to pay for it?

Number two, if they know they have a problem, are they willing and able to pay for it?

This is key in a perfect world (if you are a nonprofit organization, you're in a different category). Like my example of someone who doesn't even know they have a problem, maybe they do start to know that they have little problem but is that pain point strong that they're willing to put money towards it? Put their resources, time, effort, and money to hire you as a professional.

If the answer is no, it's not something for you to focus your qi on because in business we need the cycle of chi of offering something that people are willing to contribute their resources for so that you can keep offering.

This is how the business cycle works and it's a good exchange of chi.

The other aspect that can come is that, for example, when you want to focus on children, people who are out of work, struggling, are homeless really could use this. Again, do they know they need it? They might. Are they willing or able to pay for it? If not, you have to connect with the organizations who are willing to pay you to help other people who cannot pay for it.

These are the two key questions. One, does my target person for this idea know that they have a problem? Two, are they willing and able to pay for it?

Market Research

If you take nothing away from all of your work with me, remember that we always want to market test things before we create it.

This is a big healing business owner mistake that I have made myself more than a couple of times. I get an idea. I create the thing. I make all the audios. I do all the classwork. I've made the handouts before I've actually really tested whether or not anybody is even interested in what I'm doing, let alone are they willing to pay for it.

Over and over again, we need to bring ourselves back to "Is this something that people actually want?" There's lots of ways to ask some ideal clients, put it out there on your Facebook group, chat a little bit about it, see what people's reactions are and then move steadily down the way.

You can always create content and create ideas as you have people enrolled, maybe at a lower level or a test group before you invest your time and energy wholeheartedly creating something that is not really being asked for.

This is the spiritual equivalent of being in touch with what our Dharma is. What are we being asked to do? That means we leave the mind to the side. We don't just come up with ideas. We really listen with our heart in our inner, spiritual, personal growth path. What is being asked of me?

In the outer version connecting along that spectrum, we do the same thing in business where we're really listening and we're testing. We're not just going by the mind. We're sitting with it, we're putting it out there and then we're listening and waiting to see what comes back before taking action.

I hope this was helpful. I'm here to support. I'm wishing you and your ideas great things! The world really does need the things that you have. You need to hone down in on what you are being asked to do. That creates the most sustainable, flowing, ease-filled profitable business that you can have and that helps you support more and more people out in the world as well.