If you are an empath, healer, sensitive person, HSP, you've probably noticed that as you've grown these skills of communicating your deeper intuitive side or emotions to other people, that it's not always easy to find people that can actually meet you there.
In this blog, we're talking about how to actually get other people to listen even if they're not empaths or sensitive types.
What this means for you is that you can have better, deeper conversations and therefore relationships with other people in your life, even if they're not quite like you.
Trust me, I've used this with my own family. I come from a lovely family of normal people, of which I'm the more sensitive person of the clan, also with friends, and even at work situations where you need to communicate something and you want to bring your authentic self, but you also don't want to get shut down or made fun of or dismissed.
These skills that we're going to talk about will give you that option.
Let's get started.
Communicating Is A Skill
The time to use these skills is when you are needing to communicate your needs, emotions, or something difficult has happened and you want to have a conversation about it.
Now, this is not an easy thing.
People shy away from conflict like it's the plague, but it doesn't have to be that way.
Knowing yourself and knowing some simple tools, you can actually go into these conversations with more confidence and that allows for a better outcome to present itself.
Let's go over these two major steps and they each have several parts.
Step 1: Give Them A Heads Up
Step one, and the biggest thing that you can do to have a successful conversation with someone where you're expressing your thoughts and needs is to give them a heads up. What this means is that you really just let them know that the conversation is coming.
This might seem simple but it's huge, really.
Whenever someone gets caught off guard (and people will be caught off guard). If you are someone who tends to speak with emotions, most people don't like that. So seeing emotions coming at them automatically puts people on the defense.
It'll also protect you from getting a reaction from someone that's a little bit aggressive or snarky or joking or dismissive.
I happen to come from an extended family that tends to use sarcasm as a way to connect and relate with each other without necessarily having to talk about feelings or be vulnerable. As a sensitive person, over the years, I've had interactions with family members that although they were well-meaning and they were trying to be connective, actually had the effect of being kind of hurtful and shutting down.
What I've learned over the years is that if I give people a heads up and I let them know that I'm a little nervous or I'm wanting to say something sensitive, they're much less likely to react in that particular way.
That's kind of normal for them. But is is not quite where I'm at at where I want to communicate. So this can look like different things.
You can either give them a heads up in person and that would be something like leading in with the phrase, "Hey, I wanted to talk with you about something kind of serious. I wanted to talk with you about something kind of sensitive. I want to talk with you about something that's a little bit personal".
Even just that one sentence will help people give a little marker in their brain of like, "Oh, we're switching out of normal mode into more listening mode".
You can also say things that just describe your feelings. "Hey, I want to talk with you about something, but I'm feeling a little nervous. I want to talk with you about something, but I'm a little worried about what you're going to say. I want to talk with you about something, but I'm afraid that you're going to make a joke or make fun of me.
By actually saying your worries out loud, you also help people drop down and listen in a different level and or combining some combination of those two. "I'd like to talk with you about a kind of sensitive topic and I'm worried that you're going to make a joke and I'm going to feel sensitive".
Just saying the things out loud will go a long way. If you are not with a person, you can also just send them a text that's not too threatening. You don't want it to be like, "We're going to have a serious conversation when I get there", but it can be something as simple as "Heads up. There's something on my mind that I want to talk with you about when I get there".
Just that little thing can make a huge difference sometimes.
There was one time where I was really worked up about something and I was going to call my boyfriend at the time. I sent him a text that said, "Hey, heads up. Super emotional. Coming in hot".
We laughed about it later, but just that heads up really let him know so he wasn't shocked when I walked in the door on the verge of tears because of what had happened that day. This goes a long way.
So, first step, give people a heads up.
Step 2: Clear The Time
Number two is to also clear the time. This means saying to the person, "Is now an okay time to talk?"
You've already used those phrases of, "Hey, I want to talk with you about something".
You know it's probably going to take about 20 minutes. "Is now a good time?" or, "I think it might take a while" or, "How much time do you have? Is now an okay time?"
This helps the person realize that you're continuing from step one to step two. They need to clear out the time they won't be distracted.
The benefit of this is that you really get to see their willingness.
I want you to hear that a lot of people really do want to meet you. They do want to have a closer relationship with you, but they don't know how and they haven't had the skills.
These two things- giving people a heads up and clearing the time are a way that you can help them, and help you help them. All of this cycle together of having more listening and speaking, connective time together.
This is especially important for empathic, sensitive people who have a higher need, just physiologically and spiritually to process things a little bit more emotionally.
I also want you to know that just because people aren't sensitive doesn't mean they totally can't get it. It might not be their way of doing it, but it's up to you to develop the communication skills to help others help you get your needs met.
I hope this lesson has been helpful for you.
I'm so glad you're here. There are no coincidences in my world.
You are a soul with a body. I'm wishing you great things on your personal spiritual path!