We all want to feel good. This is really normal. And a lot of the things that we do in healing and in life are focused on feeling better, having comfort, getting rid of discomfort. But there are actually times, especially in healing and personal growth, where we’re actually not supposed to feel good. And it’s important to know what these moments are, because in those moments, if you try to go back towards comfort and feeling good, it will actually sabotage your inner personal and spiritual growth process.
When are the times when we actually shouldn’t feel good? Which sounds weird to say because it is natural. Part of what drives us towards healing and spiritual personal growth is we kind of know that things aren’t going well and that we don’t feel good. So it’s a little bit of a mind switch to sort of go towards and see that sometimes feeling good is not what we’re after. So let’s lay those out.
Feeling Good or Familiar?
Our mind’s concept of feeling good actually means that it feels familiar.
You’ll notice that the mind has certain habits that sometimes can help us by understanding the world around us, but can also really sabotage us in certain ways. It’s true. So when the mind says, “Uh, I don’t feel good, I don’t feel good,” what it really means is, “Mm, this is unfamiliar and I feel a little scared.”
Not Bad, Just New
What’s true is that the mind really likes things to stay the same. And so when things are different, even if they’re different in good ways, the mind kind of freaks out in different ways and gets a little bit nervous about how things are. So one is just remembering that really when things are different, the mind will automatically say that they’re bad and wanna go away from them.
So this is a case where even if you’ve changed to a new place, you shouldn’t feel comfortable because it’s not that it’s bad, it’s just that it is new.
Two thing to consider and to really look for:
- Is my body seeking comfort?
- Is my self-care really self-care or is it actually indulging self
Now, I love a great green tea and a Netflix binge just as much as the next person. And sometimes that is kind of what we need to actually go inward to kind of just regather the forces to have a little bit of a break to come back to ourselves. But the two things that you can notice here, are you seeking for comfort and feeling good? (Or in this case not feeling, if you’re doing a lot of Haagen Dazs and Netflix distraction.) Is it really self-care to come back to yourself or is it actually going into self sabotage?
Frequency and Duration
And the two things that you can look at here are frequency and duration. So half a cup of Haagen Dazs, and one evening of Netflix is one thing. That’s the frequency and duration. Are you doing this every week? How long are you doing it for? Or is it like five days of nothing but Netflix in a row and you’re on your eighth carton of ice cream?
If we notice that we’re really going up in frequency or in duration of how long we’re doing things for, the higher part of our observer mind will start to ask the question: “Mm. This feels like not just trying to feel good and to do self-care and regulate ourselves, this is actually probably something that we’re avoiding that’s harmful.”
Comfort Isn’t Always Good
Sometimes we do comfort as an avoidance, a way to get away from things that we don’t want to deal with.
So you’ll often hear this come up when the mind is sort of defending the status quo. When it says things like, It’s fine. It doesn’t bother me. I actually like it this way. It’s not so bad. You’ll notice that the mind is actually trying to say, No, no, I feel good. I feel good. But really, it’s actually a way of avoiding it.
Talk to your body
The way that you solve this is actually asking the question:
What would you do if you had no fear?
“If I had no fear I would…”
Now I ran into an exercise like this. I had just moved to a new place. I was like six months to a year into living in a new town, and I was networking. I was at this women’s event with a coach, and she was leading us through this process. And it was sort of like a fill in the blank.
And at that point in my life, I was in a relationship that part of me knew really was not working very well. But I also moved to this new place as part of this relationship, was living with this person, didn’t have any other context or context in this new city. And as I wrote down the prompt, if I had no fear, if I were truly courageous, and the thing that came right on paper was if I were really courageous, my body just spit out, I would break up with what’s his face. So shout out to what’s his face.
Find Comfort In Rejection
I saw at that moment that this idea, “If I had no fear, if I were truly courageous…” These ideas will help us move past maintaining the status quo as comfort and get us into the next step of seeing clearly. The next place that comfort will sometimes come in is sort of like comfort as rejection.
Maintain your 50% line
Now, we are always kind of moderating our 50% line, as we call it, in subtle body work between us and other people. And sometimes people make invitations or challenges to us, and sometimes we have to say, “You know what? No, that’s not for me.”
But if you notice that you’re coming up against a lot of rejection where people are saying, “Hey, why don’t you do that? Hey, would you like to do that? Hey, have you thought about doing those things?”
And you hear yourself saying things like, “Hm, that’s just not for me. I don’t think this is serving me anymore. It’s just not comfortable for me. It’s not aligned.” Those things might be true, but they’re often a way of your mind just getting scared and actually going into avoidance so that you don’t have to go into a new area.
Because the truth is, is that new areas create discomfort for what we call subtle body work that protects our system. And to actually get through to your next level of your heart’s desires of where you really want to be, you have to actually learn how to be with discomfort, to welcome discomfort and start to discern the difference between discomfort.
So this is something to reflect on as you digest this blog. Am I in discomfort because I’m out of alignment or am I just in discomfort because this is something new? And these inner protector parts of me have to catch up? If this has sparked you and you wanna know more about subtle body work and how to really go into the wiring of your mind, body system to not just release resistance, but to keep the mind in a place where it actually moves you forward instead of self sabotaging you, I put some links below to my website.
Disclaimer: This program is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health or counseling services. No practitioner-patient relationship is established and the training content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and nothing here is intended to diagnose, cure or treat any disorders.