Learn The Signals
There are so many times in healing in coaching and personal growth where you will hear the advice given be just trust yourself. You just need to learn how to trust yourself. And there are also some very specific times where the last thing you wanna do is trust yourself. That’s what we’re talking about in this blog, when to not trust yourself and what to do instead. Let’s dive in.
The Subtle Body Method
Now to really get to the cause behind the scenes, we recognize that in the subtle body method, which is how I train people, that we have different layers of a human mind, body system. And the problem is that we have different parts that are often in opposition to each other. We have the way of the mind, the way of the heart, and it’s not as simple as we sometimes hear of just like, just trust your intuition.
Don’t Always Trust Your Intuition
Anybody that just tells you to just trust your intuition, no matter what your crazy intuition is telling you, may be missing some keys on the inside because we are more than just intuition and just the idea of intuition is not well defined. There are some technical parts to that and what you think is intuition might actually just be wounding old habits and mental delusion. So let’s start with the three times when you should really not trust yourself. And then at the end we’ll talk about what to do instead to keep you on the path to having the best parts of following your inner knowing without falling short to delusion and self sabotage.
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Notice The Red Flags
Number one situation where you should not really trust yourself is:
1. When you know there is a lot of charge or fear to the situation.
If there is something in your life that you have a lot of desire and fear around, where things have gone bad in your life in the past…this is a place where you are not clear.
You are not clear to be the holder of the nuclear codes in your life at that moment because there is too much fear operating in the system. And even when you get a sort of inner message that comes up, it’s likely that it’s actually sneaky fear in sheep’s clothing. So this is a red flag if you know you’re going into a situation where you have to make a decision or take some action and you know that you have a lot of fear or nervousness or wounding around the consequences or this whole subject, not a clear time to trust your decision.
Bad Feelings Are Not Normal
2. If you notice in a situation that bad feelings for you start to feel normal.
I was working with someone recently who’s working on revamping the way that she shows up in relationships and she’s been working on this for quite a while and has done a lot of good inner work.
And she said, “You know, Leslie, I notice that I actually feel like my system might have this kind of addiction to the ebbs and flows, the rollercoaster of being with a guy who’s a little unstable, who sometimes is really nice but then sometimes is kind of mean. I noticed that that actually felt normal to me.”
Listen To Your Body
Whereas her current situation where she’s dating a guy who is consistently very nice to her across things feels a little weird to her body. So this is what I mean when I say if you notice that your system is doing a weird thing, where the good thing that you’ve been telling yourself that you want feels a little weird. However the thing that you’re sort of drawn to that feels normal, you may notice your system almost having an old addiction habit to the negative thing. Your observer’s mind can then look at that and be like, Girl, that’s crazy. That is a time to know that you are not clear to make a decision.
Recognize The Situation
A third example where you shouldn’t trust yourself:
3. If you are in a situation in an area of life where you don’t have a great track record.
Be that relationship or at work or situations with an authority figure, or men who seem to know what they’re talking about, even when they don’t, or women with a certain strong personality… If you notice that you don’t have a great track record, if you see yourself or the little observer on your shoulder sees you in this situation of a place where you have often gotten stuck in a pattern where you are not clear– it is not time to check your intuition because your intuition is going to be highly, highly censored and going through these filters of wounding. So what do we do instead? Well, it’s a pretty straightforward process to eliminate as much as we can, the mind errors and delusion and to trust ourselves in a deeper way.
How Can We Build Trust Within?
1. Learn to ask your body and not your mind.
Now I have a separate training on this. I will link it down below.
You may already have learned some of these ways to even just get like a yes/no answer out of your body. Asking questions towards your body might sound weird, that’s why I’ve got a whole other training down here. You can open up a new tab and come back, it’ll take one minute to do that.
A Western Experiment/Our Body Knows More
So, our body knows more than our minds. Let’s just say that again because it’s very important. Your body knows more than your mind, your physiology, your mind body system. This has actually been tested even in a western way. They have done experiments where they sat people down in front of a computer and hooked them up onto various biometrics so they could sort of notice their nervous system reaction.
And on the computer screen they would flip up either a picture of something very happy, puppies, rainbows or something really disturbing and destructive like death, war, destruction, Hitler, things like that. And what they found in this very westernly experiment was that the body reacted split fractions of a second before the photo actually appeared. The body actually reacted in a more positive way or a negative way depending on what the picture was going to be. This is just one little way we don’t even have to go into a deeper traditional sort of understanding about, you know, how the mind, body and the nature of reality works to even see that the body knows more than the mind.
Understanding Versus Mind Versus Intuition
2. Learn different techniques.
So the number one technique is to learn different techniques. Now, check out the link below of asking your body questions first, learning how to trust your embodied understanding versus the mind and even versus intuition, because intuition exists in the sort of liminal space in the mind body and is easily co-opted by the mind.
So until, especially if you’re in these sort of danger areas where you shouldn’t be trusting, you need to have a more concrete way, the body will always know more than the mind.
Find A Dharma Friend
3. Talk with trusted advisors.
After you’ve asked your body, you go to what I call trusted dharma friends and trusted advisors. Now a dharma friend is a term that I’m using for a type of friend who ideally is also on the personal growth trustable path, they are someone who you have a good sole agreement to really give it to you straight. Someone who can listen really well. Someone who, and this is very important, through the experience and the example of their own life, shows that they are trustworthy. Not someone that just likes to talk about something and is gonna throw some ideas at you. Someone who is actually living it.
This is true for your friends. So it’s not just every friend. You’re gonna have a myriad of friends in your life, but they are not all what I would call dharma friends or trustable work on the self growth path. Deep wisdom type of friends, those are the friends that you wanna ask for reflection.
Ask For Reflection
You go to them and say,
“Hey, I got these things that coming up. I know that I’m not clear in this situation. Here’s what going on… What kind of feedback can you give me?”
And people that you can trust give it to you straight. Also in that category, trusted advisors, professionals, coaches, mentors, spiritual guides, who again from their own radiating experience of results are shown to be trustable. So that’s your second, first you start with the body, then you go to your dharma friends, entrusted advisors. This in itself will create the most certainty that we can have.
Be A Student Of Life
Life is a varied adventure and we do not always know what destiny holds. But if you start employing these things of asking a body, asking trusted friends and trusted advisors. And then sometimes you can also apply the next source:
4. Talk to trusted spiritual wisdom.
This doesn’t always apply, but if you are a student of a more ancient spiritual tradition, really continuing to learn not just about the way of life or the nature of reality at a deeper level, but also how we can get caught and where the delusions are…knowing and having that can also be a possible resource as well.
Focus On Your Next Best Move
So we do not know what nature holds, what destiny holds, what life holds. It’s sometimes not possible to have the logical, best thing. We can only find what is the best next step forward for us. I remember a business coach saying once, “You just have to focus on, what is my next best move?”
And we can move past high levels of mental delusion and self sabotage by employing these methods and knowing when we’re clear and when we’re not. I hope that this serves you.
Disclaimer: This program is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health or counseling services. No practitioner-patient relationship is established and the training content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and nothing here is intended to diagnose, cure or treat any disorders.